Beyond the Birds-and-Bees
Basics
Though schools often include sex education in the curriculum
— they might impart some information about AIDS and
pregnancy, for example — parents, too, should be involved
with educating their children about these issues of physical
health, and about the moral aspects of sexual behavior.
Prepare your middle school-aged kids for puberty so they're
not caught with their proverbial pants down — offer
your child the information in small doses, experts recommend,
rather than in one "big talk."
According to
the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United
States (SIECUS),
Your pre-teen
son should know that:
His penis and
testicles will start to increase in size and his scrotum
will change color.
His erections will become more frequent during puberty,
and he may have nocturnal emissions, or wet dreams.
He may experience a growth spurt and his voice will begin
to change.
Your daughter should know by around age 9 or 10 that:
She will get
her period at some point, a change that means she can become
pregnant.
Her body, including her breasts, will be developing and
could change more slowly or quickly than her friends' figures.
Whether your child is a boy or a girl, both Mom and Dad
should be involved in talking with them about sex, suggests
SIECUS, to provide both a man's and woman's perspective.
Think it's too late for you as a parent to step up to the
plate? If you have teenagers with whom you have not been
talking and who aren't receptive, Pepper Schwartz recommends
asking an older brother, sister, close friend or other person
who shares your values to help.
They May Do It
Anyway
Teach your kids, SIECUS advises, that not having sex is
the only way to guard 100 percent against pregnancy, as
well as AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Get
across to your kids that they should come to you or another
trusted adult if they are considering intercourse. But know
that not all kids will inform their parents of their sexual
intentions, and that the average age at first intercourse
in the United States is 16 for American males and 17 for
females.
"Sex will
be attractive to them sometime and you want to be ahead
of the curve," stresses Schwartz.
Worried that
teaching your kids about condoms for safer sex will give
them the message that you condone premarital intercourse?
Your morals matter, but be sure not to bury your head in
the sand. After all, Schwartz points out, "Talking
to me about snowboarding doesn't make me want to snowboard.
But if I am going to take up something new — snowboarding,
or say inline skating — someone should tell me about
helmets and knee pads to protect me so I don't kill myself."
Resources to
Get You Started
Here are some resources to help you begin the conversation
about sex with your kids:
Ten Talks Parents
Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character, by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., and Dominic Cappello (New York:
Hyperion, 2000).
Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking
Sense About Sex, by Deborah Roffman, M.S. (Cambridge: Perseus
Publishing, 2000).
Changing Bodies, Changing Lives, by Ruth Bell (New York:
Times Books, 1998).
Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids: Where You Came From, How Your Body
Changes, and What Sex Is All About, by Dr. Ruth Westheimer
(New York: Aladdin Paperbacks, 1998).
