Britney Spears has earned fame for her back-to-back
pop hits, but her talent is sometimes upstaged by debate
about her body parts — are they bona fide? —
and by her sexy clothing, suggestive performances and reporting
about her relationships.
Meanwhile, the parents of Britney fans face
the challenge of teaching their kids about intimacy, safe
intercourse, respect and responsibility in an age of seductive
images. How to compete with the contemporary "sex sells"
culture? Better not be boring, says sociologist and author
Pepper Schwartz. "Everything is boring if you lecture
— even sex," she says, "so listen rather
than lecture. Have a conversation. Don't fill in the blanks.
Find out what they want to know, and don't feel the need
to give them more or less."
In her book Sex for Dummies (For Dummies,
2nd ed., 2000), sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer gives
this example about telling kids what they want to know:
After a girl in his class expressed that she was different
from him, 5-year-old Jimmy asked his mother what the girl
had meant. After speaking awkwardly for 10 minutes about
the differences between boys and girls, Jimmy's mom asked
if he wanted to know anything else. "Yes," he
said. "Kim said she was Chinese. What does that mean?"
Although Mom told Jimmy more than he wanted to know, experts
agree that he'll be OK because he has a parent (and maybe
two) willing to have a frank discussion about sex. That's
the key to shaping a healthy sexual attitude, they say.
Teaching From the Time They're Tots
According to Schwartz, the time to introduce the subject
of sex is when a child wants to know what their "peepee"
is. By talking to your children in a developmentally appropriate
way, you remove the taint of taboo, she says.
Experts recommend that you consider buying
a children's book on sexuality to guide you through the
tougher topics, and when possible broach a sex-related subject
in terms of a TV show or movie you and your child have seen,
or a book he or she has read.
The goal is to inform and protect your children
while making them feel good — not ashamed —
of their bodies. Teach young kids about topics like:
Privacy. Children need to understand from
the time that they're very young that no one is allowed
to touch their private parts unless Mommy or Daddy says
it's OK (at the doctor's, for example), and that the child
should tell a trusted adult about any such touching. Kids
sometimes play doctor, or "I'll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours"
— that's common because children are naturally curious
about each other's bodies — but let them know in a
gentle way, directs Westheimer, that other forms of play
are better because they respect everyone's privacy.
Safe Surfing. Kids have to know that when they surf the
Internet, they shouldn't "talk" to someone unknown
to them any more than they would if a stranger approached
them on the street.
Beyond talking the talk, you can take action to limit your
young child's exposure to inappropriate sexual messages.
Take these steps for starters:
Monitor
the television shows and movies your kids watch so they
don't become overstimulated and desensitized to sexual acts;
keep any erotic tapes, magazines and books out of little
ones' reach; and call your cable company about locking out
channels unsuitable for youngsters.
Go to GetNetWise.com or safekids.com for information and
filtering software to help block children's exposure to
inappropriate Internet materials.
