Keeping the sexual
spark alive in a marriage or in a long-term relationship
is easier said than done. However, couples who take time
to cultivate and maintain healthy and satisfying sexual
relations tend to be more connected with each other and
do not suffer from depression, heart problems and other
health maladies, experts say.
The daily routines
of life—whether careers, children or financial responsibilities—challenge
couples to keep alive that flame that initially brought
them together. From a practical standpoint, there's less
time for sex and intimacy as relationships develop and individual
partners take on more responsibilities.
Furthermore,
aging brings on a host of physical conditions that can affect
life in the bedroom. These include sexual dysfunction, cardiovascular
conditions, arthritis and rheumatism, and a host of other
problems.
Whatever the
reasons for brewing trouble in the bedroom—whether
emotional or physical in nature—the good news is that
many such problems are easily treated. Moreover, troubles
in a couple's sexual relationship are often signs of other
problems, and can serve as a warning sign for still bigger
troubles ahead.
"A good
sex life is an important part of an individual's overall
health," says Mark Schoen, Ph.D., director of sex education
for the Sinclair Intimacy Institute. "People who have
a good sex life feel better [mentally and physically]."
"Sex can
be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge" for relationships,
says Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing
in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher
associated with Stanford University Medical School.
Adults Have Sex
61 Times a Year
Adults, on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or
slightly more than once a week, according to University
of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center. Marital status
and age are key influences in sexual activity.
Sexual activity
is 25 percent to 300 percent greater for married couples
versus the non-married, depending on age. The 1998 University
of Chicago report that compiled available sex research also
concluded that intercourse is more frequent among couples
in happier marriages.
As people age,
they tend to have sex less, regardless of whether they are
in marriages or not. Married couples between ages 18 and
29 have sexual relations an average of nearly 112 times
per year. That rate steadily decreases as people age, so
that married couples aged 70 and older have sex 16 times
a year on average.
But that fact
shouldn't be misconstrued as meaning that older people are
less satisfied with their sex life. An AARP survey released
last year showed that most mid-life and older adults surveyed
were either extremely satisfied or somewhat satisfied with
their sex life, and felt it was an important quality-of-life
factor.
Renowned sex
researcher John McKinley, Ph.D., director of the New England
Research Institutes in Watertown, Mass., says as people
age, particularly men, their expectations about sex aren't
as high.
Overcoming Emotional
Barriers
"The worst thing that can happen to a relationship
is that a sex life becomes routine and boredom sets in,"
Schoen says. But in today's fast-paced life, filled with
dueling responsibilities, a sub-par or absent sex life is
a common problem.
When physical
problems are not the root cause of a diminished sex life,
many remedies exist to rekindle the flame of passion. Much
of the fix is grounded in communication and reprioritizing
one's life to make time for love and sex, says Jan Sinatra,
a Manchester, Conn., psychotherapist and co-author of "Heart
Sense for Women."
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